I Remem...

"I remem..." By, Erica Jacobs

I remember when I didn't have a cell phone

and I wasn't sexually active

and life was simpler,

maybe. 

 

When I'd read storybooks to my stuffed animals,

present each page like my teacher did 

at school. 

 

I remember wedding albums;

my Parents',

her parents',

their parents'. 

I wanted that 

I want that. 

 

I remember my Belle and Beast

figurines

dancing at their pretend wedding

on top of my boom box

to "The Hustle".

I wanted a floor length gown, too;

but not yellow. 

 

I remember the first time I weighed myself 

100lbs. 

Is that too high? 

It's too high. 

Right?

 

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch

so high up, too high up.

I remember the loudness 

of the step stool.  

Bowl

after bowl

after bowl

after bowl. 

 

I remember sleepovers 

"Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board" 

"Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board"

I'm anything 

but light as a feather. 

 

I remember the first time

I stopped 

when I was full

Waited to feel hungry again. 

 

And I did feel hungry again

so I ate. 

Stopped when I felt full. 

Eat. 

Stop. 

Repeat. 

 

Eat. 

Stop. 

Repeat. 

 

Eat. 

Talk. 

Stop. 

Repeat. 

 

Eat. 

Watch TV. 

Laugh. 

Stop. 

Still hungry. 

Eat. 

Repeat. 

 

I remember what it took

to slow down,

to listen,

to chew,

to breathe. 

 

Food,

turns out,

is just food. 

 

So I focus

on other things;

I still want a floor length gown,

a white one. 

And a cake. 

And a groom. 

And a wooden floor

where we dance the Hustle. 

 

You remember 

where I'm going with this...

 

Wholeheartedly,

Erica

How Moments Become Holy

Scan In honor of #TBT and my process of allowing bits, pieces and chunks of my childhood that no longer serve me to fall away, I want to write about the things I must keep with me. I've landed in many Holy Moments, usually sporadic, unplanned, totally necessary. These are some of the most significant, life-affirming and breath-giving memories I have. And even as a grown woman, every once in a while, a Holy Moment finds me and I am reminded of what really matters...

(I'd love to hear some of YOUR Holy Moments in the comments below!) xoxo

 

 

 

Holy Moments by, Erica Jacobs

Sometimes a little girl will end up in a moment she never wants to leave.

Like child’s play;

perfectly unplanned,

completely timely.

She allows herself to get lost in the great knowing she is enough.

 

Sometimes a little girl’s hair will be combed through and through,

with trusted fingertips,

from her forehead to the split ends of her wild hair.

She lets someone love her.

 

Sometimes a little girl will lie on a concrete driveway,

gaze at a palm tree’s crown.

Ants make their way onto her toes,

in a single file line.

She does not question validity of her thoughts,

as her mind waltzes through rhythms of time.

 

Sometimes a little girl’s childhood

will be affirmed—

unabashed laughter,

sprawled on a dusty basement floor.

She wonders not,

about to whom she is worthy,

but who is worthy to her.

 

Sometimes a little girl will drape her body,

over the lap of someone she loves.

While heavy tears flow free,

she allows herself to just be held.

 

Sometimes a little girl will wish these moments

went on forever;

that they happened all the time.

She may realize, though,

a holy moment isn’t a moment at all—

but a feeling deep in her gut,

accessible to her,

anytime.

Wherever she may be,

however old she is,

a holy moment

is never far from reach.

 

627B4ECBB0F390BEC6B37C4ADA9B2D50

Some Holy Moments as a grownup:

IMG_0862

IMG_0922

34997_10200888295430252_1709866341_n

73122_10200888296110269_275962736_n

564446_10200888307190546_215541194_n

 

 

IMG_0854

DSC_0083

IMG_4725

 

IMG_0247

IMG_8931